April 2, 2011

You've got to trust your instinct, and let go of regret.

If last week was weird, this week was hard. I think that the stress of everything going on at work, plus being in the final stretch of school was starting to take it's toll on me. Add some drama with friends and the whole week kind of went to hell in a handbag.

I guess saying the whole week is a *bit* of an exaggeration. The weather has been pretty nice this week-sun shining, even if it's a little cold- and I got to play tennis on both of my off days. I'm excited for this summer-I'm trying to play twice a week as long as it's nice out! I also got to talk to a few friends that I don't see to often and that definitely lifted my spirits as well :-)

On Tuesday, I found out some stuff about a few friends of mine that really put me in a foul mood. I was angry, frusterated, disappointed, hurt-basically all sorts of not so nice feelings. Luckily, a good friend of mine after I got off that phone call and we talked for a bit, which made my night tons better. Seriously, it was like everything just spilled over. I had a nice cry, prayed about it and went to bed, and luckily, woke up feeling much better the next morning.

I figured everything would be fine but I ended up seeing my friends on Friday night, and did the obligatory "hi and bye" because, honestly, I didn't have much to say to them at that point. I was still angry and hurt and instead of saying something mean, I just walked away. Here's the thing about me-I try to be a "head shaking-finger wagging-chest puffed out" tough girl, but I'm not really. I hate confrontation and would much rather hide and avoid it, than say anything.

But this is how I know God was working in my life. My friend ended up calling later that night and asked me what was going on. Instead of saying "I'm fine, it's all good!" and harboring a resentment for a long while, I was honest with her. I told her my feelings were hurt, I was worried about her and the way she was acting-it seems kind of small, but it's really out of character for me to be honest about how I'm feeling, especially if it's in a situation where me being hurt and being honest about might hurt another persons feelings (sorry if that doesn't make any sense haha) We ended up saying we'd sleep on it and talk about it the next day-and I figured we were all good at that point.

Unfortunately, I ended up getting a text message from her that was supposed to go to someone else that was *about* me. Needless to say, I was not happy. After some texting back and forth, nothing really got accomplished (because we were both kind of heated) so I ended the conversation and went to bed.

But that was just another example of God working. This person has been a negative influence in my life pretty much since we started hanging out. Sure, she's fun, but it's a "Mean Girls" kind of fun- judgmental, gossiping, being negative. I kind of enjoyed living vicariously through her, but it was really taking a toll on me. I'm an optimist and being with someone who's a pessimist all the time is draining! God was trying to show me that I probably needed to cut this person out, but I just wasn't listening. So finally, he hit me over the head, and put a situation in front of me that was too big to ignore. And now, even thought I don't think I'm going to completely cut her out of my life, I've realized I definitely need to scale back the amount of time we spend together.

I know this probably doesn't make much sense, but for me, I was just really grateful to be able have some peace with the situation because I really felt God in those moments. It makes a hard and uncomfortable situation so much easier to bear!

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