It was a delicate balance that, no matter how hard or often I tried, I was far from mastering.
He was sick. I knew it, I knew it was a matter of time, but I couldn't bring myself to acknowledge it. I was ashamed of what I was doing, but I couldn't stop. So I drank to gloss over the guilt.
"I got some pills. If you take me to pick them up, I'll share with you. We just gotta stop by my mom's and get some money first, then we'll go." His offer was tempting, but I was hesitant.
"I'll take you to get them. I...I'm not sure I want to try them, though. We'll see." Even though I was hesitant, my curiosity lingered.
We stopped to get the money. He went inside, coming out ten minutes later.
"I told my mom your grandpa was sick, so I wanted to treat you to dinner. She gave me an extra ten bucks!" He grinned ear to ear, so proud of his manipulation.
My stomach churned. I laughed and we were on our way.
Again, I waited in the car. He got in the car and we were three blocks away before he pulled out the baggie, twisted into a small tube, concealing two brightly colored pills.
"This one's an downer, I think," he mused, examining the lime green pill. "And this one...this one's perfect for you!" He pulled out the pink pill and placed it in my hand. There were a pair of Chanel C's stamped on one side. I laughed and gave it back to him.
"We'll see." I was still unsure.
We began the drive home, and by now it was dark. I had class in the morning, but I was past the point of caring about going. I had a bottle waiting for me at home.
The music was loud, the car was full of people and as we drove home, we laughed and sang. I was speeding down the highway, anxious to get home.
Then my phone rang. It was my dad. It was also 10:45pm.
Nothing good can come from a phone call at 10:45pm.
"Where are you?"
"At the store," I lied, hushing the people in the car and turning down the music.
"I need to tell you something."
I knew before he said anything, what was coming next.
The tears came quickly and fiercely. I couldn't stop them.
"Are you ok? Where are you? I'll come pick you up." I could hear him getting his keys.
"No, no. It's ok. I'll be ok. I'm just going to go home."
"Ok...call me tomorrow. Be safe."
"I will." I hung up the phone.
Someone reached and put their hand on my shoulder.
Everyone mumbled their I'm sorry's not quite sure of what to say.
I wiped the tears from my eyes.
"You got those pills?"
He nodded in the passenger seat next to me.
"Let's go get high."
This post is in response to The Dare to Share prompt at the Lightning and the Lightning-Bug. The theme was "Loss".