August 6, 2011

Lord, I'm sorry to question your wisdom, but my faith has been wavering. Won't you show me a sign, let me know that you're listening?

I'm going to be honest right now, I'm stressed. Like "I want to pull my hair out, can't eat, am on the verge of tears and if you look at me wrong, I just might punch you in the face" stressed.

I'm still pretty excited about moving, but if I'm being 100% real right now, I'm nervous too. I'm nervous to be on my own, I'm nervous about the bills, I'm nervous about what it will look like. Even though I'm excited for all the same things, it's still a pretty big change that will obvioiusly take some adjusting. Even the actual act of packing and moving is stressful right now, and I know that when I'm finally in my new place, it will all be worth it, but for right now, I'm a little nervous.

On top of that my current roommate is not making this easy, so I'm uncomfortable even being in my current place long enough to pack. I think I'm just gonna grab a Coke (or five) and power through it tonight and hopefully get most of it done and bring it over to my parents to stay there until I actually move. I'm calling my new land lord tomorrow to see if there is any way I can move this week instead of next, and my wonderful friend and parents and brother have all volunteered their services to help me move. I am so so so lucky blessed to have such amazing people in my life who love me enough to help me.

Even though all of that is stressful on it's own, there's more, because one stressful situation is never enough, right!?!?! I went to the doctor on Friday, fully expecting to have my blood drawn and for the end result to be a gluten intolerance/celiac diagnosis. Which could still be on it's way, but there's some other issues that my doctor is worried about which will involve me getting some more tests and an outpatient procedure in the next week or two. I don't know if I've just got too much going on besides that to be worried (and I am worried), but I just feel like I should be more worried. Either way, some crossed fingers and prayers would definitely be appreciated right now.

Which brings me to my last point, I've been struggling with feeling disconnected from God. I know he's still there and I still go through the motions of praying because I know this is only a blip in our relationship, but it's frustrating. Usually, I'm all about the gratitude and loving and feeling God's presence in my life (which I have another post about soon) but right now, I'm just feeling kind of blah.

The funny thing is I have enough faith to know that on the other side of this valley, my relationship will be strong and my faith will be more than renewed. But I don't want to have to go through it, I just want it now! Has anyone else ever felt like that? haha

I know it's all just temporary and I'm sure I'll feel infinitely better when the moving process is done, but right now, it's just kinda hard. And I feel like such a whiner writing about this or even thinking about it because in all reality, my life is amazing-more amazing than I could ever have thought, and I'm so incredibly blessed. But I guess "sometimes it's not all puppy dogs and rainbows", as a friend of mine told me.

I'm not the only one who feels like this sometimes, right?

9 comments:

Julie {love, julie} said...

We definitely all feel like this sometimes, especially during moving homes! it is such a stressful time! keep your head up :)

Ixy said...

I know you'll love being on your own, but no question it's a big change. It's not whining at all to acknowledge things are feeling a little overwhelming, and what else is blogging for if you can't be honest about your feelings?

Chin up and hope this transition time passes quickly and smoothly!

Sar said...

<3 Praying for you! Just stopping by for Comment Love Sunday

Alyssa said...

I really hope that things get better for you. I know sometimes when things seem overwhelming I struggle in faith as well, but I guess in all things we just got to grit our teeth and get through it. I know that things will be better for you on the other side. :)

Vapid Vixen said...

This song has always helped me since the first time I heard it as a teenager. Hope it helps a little.

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=iBfHdd7mtq8

Christy said...

You are definitely not the only one who has ever felt like that. When I was in college I belonged to an AMAZING church community and had never felt so connected to God. When I graduated and moved to a new city, I had a really hard time finding a church that I liked and felt even more disconnected from God. It's still hard sometimes, but I've been reading the Bible every day using a 1 year through the Bible guide in my Women's Devotional Bible and that has helped a lot. The Devotions in the Bible really help me to think about how to feel closer to God as well.

I'm sorry you've been feeling so stressed and I hope everything is ok with you healthwise! I'm new to your blog (from FTLOB) and I like it! Hang in there =)

Lydia @ See Beautiful said...

Popping over from FTLOB. Cokes always make me feel better too. It sounds like you have a really great outlook...keep your faith and see beautiful.

ashley said...

i cant totally relate to this whole post. i've been struggling with my faith lately too. i know He's there, but i feel like we aren't as close. Moving is so stressful, but hang in there! it will be worth it in the end :)

TriGirl said...

Sounds like you have so many stressful things going on right now. Know that they will not last :)

Thanks for stopping by earlier!

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