January 14, 2010

Her hair was raven and her heart was like a tomb

The knot in the pit of my stomach grows.
And grows.
And grows.

The tears flood my eyes and again, I push them back.

I am falling back into fear.
Fear that you don't feel the same way.
Fear that I'll be along again.
Fear that I'm going to fail.

I want you so bad, I can taste it, feel it, see it.
It seems to be just outside my grasp, but as I move toward it, it moves away.

I have to bite my lips till I bleed to keep my self from screaming
"I love you"

Am I supposed to? Is it real?
Do I care?

I want to yell from the rooftops, to write our initials with little hearts on every tree and piece of paper and in the snow.

But I'm scared. So I keep this secret deep inside.
Hoping that you say it first.

And when,
if,
you do,
I will too.

6 comments:

May said...

mmmmm....who hasn't felt this way? You capture the vulnerability of that first inkling of love so perfectly.

Kelly said...

Fear is a terrible thing, isn't it? There so many things that will never be because of it. Well said.

jesterqueen.com said...

Oh, this did make me remember. I used to have all these relationships in my head, and I KNEW they didn't share what I felt, but I still felt bursting with the need to say I'd fallen in love.

And then I met my husband, and the feeling was entirely different, if no less intense.

Your poem made me think of both emotions.

Writerly Wanna Be said...

I am sure many can connect to these feelings....well done.

Ixy said...

This brought me back to the scary parts of new love that I don't miss at all!

Jenna said...

I am feeling this exact thing right now. Sometimes I think I will draw blood because Im biting my tongue so hard. Im so transparent, and Im so scared that Ill be discovered and rejected. Thank you for letting me know youve felt this way too..

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